Archive for April 2008
During my lunch break, I went to the Gap store to browse around. Even before I walked into Gap, I noticed something funny. There were two mannequins at the window sporting their nice tight ass with no cellulite. I laughed it off, thinking that the store forgot to dress up those mannequins.
However, when I walked into the store, I immediately noticed that every single mannequin in the store was naked. BUTT-NAKED.
Remember, it’s lunch time, in the middle of the day. And there I was, surrounded by fake boobs, fake crotches, fake everything. I had to laugh out loud because it went so well with my silly global warming theory that nakedness was the next fad.
(Pardon the quality of the photos - it came from my crappy SideKick cellphone camera)
WHAT WILL YOU DO FOR EARTH?
Today, for Earth, I’m going to kiss the ground 100 times because this planet is a marvelous place. I’m also going to blow kisses in the wind to thank the air for my constant breathing. However, I’m going to curse at the pollen part of Earth, because I am ready to take out my eyes and put them in the refrigerator to cool. Or better yet, pour pink calamine lotion all over my eyes.
My space heater under my desk will be turned off all day. This means I’ll freeze my tushie off in the building’s air conditioning, but all in the name of love for Earth, right? Seriously, though, today is not going to be any different for me, as I already try to live an Earth-friendly lifestyle.
This quiz, What’s Your Environmental Footprint?, fed my brain some interesting information. Check it out.
Whoa! Cook before eating frozen pizza? Thanks, Red Baron, for making my life a whole lot clearer! If I didn’t know this extremely important step, I would have started chomping on frozen pizza. Then, end up with teeth like Austin Powers’.
I’m contemplating whether or not I should check myself into a psych ward. I turned on the iron in the living room to warm up. Went back to the computer and started some girl talk online. About ten or fifteen minutes later, I realized I left the iron on, so I put the conversation on hold and went back to the ironing board.
For the first time in my life, I am having such a hoot ironing my pants, shorts, and what not. The music is blasting and I’m ironing. Something’s wrong with me. MARTHA STEWART, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?
I was supposed to head down to Washington DC for the Earth Day on the National Mall to check out a variety of exhibits and live music. But, plans changed. It was pouring and thundering so hard this morning that I had to make sure it wasn’t Jeff snoring. Jeff said that the Earth messed up Earth Day. So true – Earth decided to poop on its own event. So, I took the opportunity this morning to finally watch my rental DVD: The New Kids on the Block Greatest Hits. Go ahead – laugh all you want, but THEY ARE BACK with their charming sugary sweet smiles and all!
For all you blockheads out there, have you seen the old videos lately? As much as I loved reliving my youth by watching the NKOTB videos, I had to laugh out loud at some scenes. First, the way they dressed just cracked me up. Jordan Knight was actually in overalls in the “Step by Step” video. Did he really hail from Boston? He looked like he hailed from one of those farms in Pennsylvania. Moments later, I realized, oh right, that was the STYLE back then. I admit I was one of those poor saps who fell for the overalls fad. Here’s evidence.
Danny Wood’s leopard jacket was to die for though. I’d wear his leopard jacket any day, any time.
Second, their dancing really made me go all, “God, I loved those guys?! What the hell was I thinking?” In “The Right Stuff,” towards the end, their choreographed moves made me think of ducks wading forward in a lake. Ah, who cares? They were the shit!
Finally, I noticed that cleavage and skin were absent from the NKOTB videos! Nowadays, most music videos reveal cleavage or butt cheeks, as if it was illegal to NOT show any. Is global warming to blame?
Global warming is clearly evident in Mariah Carey’s videos. In Dreamlover (1993), Mariah sports a plaid shirt that pretty much covers all of her boobs and mid-rise jean shorts. Today, in her new, hilarious video “Touch my Body,” she’s sporting lingerie that exposes half of her boobs to seduce a geek. I swear, I if she leaned over just a little more, her boobs would have fallen out, Janet Jackson style.
Is the next style nudity?
Wondering exactly when you’ll get your tax-rebate stimulus check? Wonder no more!
STIMULUS PAYMENT SCHEDULE
A lot of thoughts are swimming around in my head about this so called tax rebate, and they are just thoughts. It’s supposed to help the brittle economy in America. To me, this seems like a temporary plan, not for the “big picture.” Is $600-$1200 really going to significantly help those 900,000 people who are losing their homes? But then again, is the government even responsible for those people who rushed into those different loan plans and not knowing the consequences? Or not fully understanding what they were getting into? On the other hand, many people got “duped” or sucked in for what sounded so good to be true and they need to be rescued.
The stimulus checks are only going to taxpayers, not people on disability or homeless who don’t or cannot pay taxes. This stimulus check doesn’t seem to be bringing prices back to a realistic level in accordance with income. Just yesterday, the San Francisco Chronicle reported that San Francisco is the first city to now be at the $4 average mark for gas. Only the filthy rich can afford the big city life on a comfortable level.
Again, these are just thoughts. And very confusing ones at that. So I’m going to take my check, put my head back in the sand, and STFU.
10. You no longer get the newspaper – you subscribe to feeds.
9. You have not handwritten a letter more than 1 page in YEARS. You know, with a pen.
8. Google yourself / others.
7. You speak the internet language (LOL, STFU, etc) and start making up your own between friends. TGALJC! HTFU!
6. You send messages to your friends on Twitter that show up on their phone, instead of a direct text. Like this message. And this.
5. Several domains belong to you, even if you’re not actively using it.
4. When you start selling your life on eBay, like Ian Usher.
3. If you stumble at least 10 times a day.
2. When one of the first things you do in the morning, even when running late for work, is to check your email and Facebook.
1. When you’re going on a tropical vacation and you check with the hotel in advance whether they have internet access so you can blog.
“Internet-ized” is my way of saying that internet plays a huge role in one’s life. Internet addiction would be just too harsh to say. I mean, who has time for Internet Anonymous?
Dear Mr. Hot-Shot driver with a stick up your ass,
It would have only taken 10 seconds to let me slide in front of you in your lane so I could make the upcoming left turn. But no, OH MY GOD, 10 seconds was going to really ruin your day. Instead of being a sweetheart, you decided to BE A BUTTHOLE and not let me in front of you. So did the car behind you, and the one behind them. But, who cares about the cars behind you, because it’s you who started all this. As a result of your EGO BIG AS THE UNIVERSE, I had to make a detour by going straight instead of making my left turn. This detour resulted in 15 minutes of waste, because I had to deal with bumper to bumper to the next intersection that enabled a left turn. Thanks a lot. Despite being pissed off at you for a moment, I was laughing because it’s not like you get a million bucks for being cocky. Really, what’s the point?
Seriously, today is beautiful – the sun is out and about, the trees are sprouting leaves, and Spring is around the corner – yet, people like you want to screw one another with road rage. Why? Does it actually feed an ego to not let one in front of them to make a simple left turn? Or maybe you just have a major case of diarrhea coming on, and you just had to HURRY HOME to let it all out. In that case, I hope you had to clean your toilet afterwards. Don’t forget to buy the bleach kind of cleaner.
Sincerely,
Your fellow commuter.
Even though Washington DC is ranked the 5th worst road rage in America, road rage is still a major issue across the nation. Miami is the first. Even San Francisco, the city I highly speak of, is 10th on the list. My advice is to just not give in. Don’t give anyone your finger. Just take a deep breath, laugh, and think they have MAJOR DIARRHEA COMING ON and let them go!
That’s it. I’m taking my laptop with 15 batteries and going back in my cave. BECAUSE IT IS 36 DEGREES! There was a little ice on the car windshield this morning. The mist was coming out of my mouth. What a tease last week, Spring.
“You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til you lose it.” So true. Being a visitor has made me notice so many things about the city I once resided in.
Every time I visit San Francisco, I’m always amazed at how many billboards there are. How could I not notice these while I was living there? I got so used to the billboards that I guess I became oblivious to them popping out in my face. Some are downright hilarious and creative! What other city would put “badass” on a billboard? If your city would, holla at me with pictures. My fascination with San Francisco billboards prompted me to start a collection, which I’ll update with each visit.
COLLECTION OF SAN FRANCISCO BILLBOARDS
Let me tell you, this collection is rather dangerous. I rear-ended someone while trying to take a picture of a billboard on my right. I was at a red light, and my rental car was rolling a little bit without my knowledge. I felt and heard a slight “crash.” SHIT. I hit a pick up truck in front of me just as the light was turning green. The driver didn’t even want to get out to check for damages. He saluted at me and drove off. I, on the other hand, immediately got out to assess damages, but luckily there was not even one scratch. WHEW. My sister, in the passenger seat, gave me her famous look that implied, “Ooookay. You are the weirdest thing on Earth and I don’t know you.” YOU LOVE ME, SISTER, AND YOU KNOW IT.
From now on, I’m only taking pictures as a passenger!
