Elevate my Ride
Jan 04, 2008 | Tags: Annoyances, Ramble
Just a few requests if you happen to ride the elevator at my work building………
1. At the lobby, I know it tickles you pink when you see the elevator’s “UP” light flash and a big “ding” goes through your ears, but please do not hover around the elevator door waiting to get in. Almost 90% of the time the elevator will be crowded with people dying to get out in fear of claustrophobia. You will get run over as if you’re standing in front of a cow stampede so stand the hell away and let people out first!
2. If I’m the only one in the elevator when you get on, please do not stand right next to me. Go in another corner of the elevator, especially if you’re an old pervert. I’ll flash my biggest smile and say hello that way. But if you’re close to me and I can smell your banana breath, I’ll scowl and pray the elevator ride goes quickly as possible.
3. If you must press “close elevator door” or your floor number button 7843743 times, please tell me to turn around first because that just makes me want to scream, “pressing it 4385473 times isn’t gonna make the doors close any faster!” Seriously, it doesn’t. Learn some patience. But then again maybe I need to learn patience to let you push it 483957435 times, but that’s not the point. 
4. Please hold the doors if you see me running towards the elevator. I don’t think I smell, cuz I use the Lady Speed Stick deodorant. Nor would I bite you so don’t be so scared to let me in. You and I both know how horrible the elevator service is in this building – it takes forever. Don’t make me have to wait 385 more minutes for another elevator! Please!
EDIT: I guess sometimes you just have to be stuck on the elevator. I feel bad for these people who had to spend two days in an *ahem* elevator right before Christmas! Read the story. (Thanks to Pearly for this story!)
